Why Soft Skills in Selling Matter in the First Meeting

Which of these approaches demonstrates a skillful approach to a sales conversation? We certainly hope that you chose the second. That is just one example, but a salesperson’s ability to deftly open a meeting, ask enough great questions, and really listen are examples of the importance of soft skills in sales. These are difficult skills to learn from a handbook. Soft skills in selling come from watching, practicing, and gaining comfort in the approach.

Since the most important soft skill for us to learn in selling is mastering not just great questions but timely and explorative questions, let’s explore that a bit.

• How do we get information from other people? We ask questions, right?

• When you ask a question, what kind of question do you ask? Are they technical in nature or for gathering data?

• Are your questions framed for yes or no answers?

• Do your questions really probe and make people think?

• Are your questions focused on the prospect’s core business issues or problems, or are they about your products?

• Do your questions sometimes surprise the prospect, perhaps make them a bit uncomfortable, and do they bring out the real issues?

What about after you ask those questions? This is when real soft skills in selling present themselves. How well do you listen? I mean, really listen. How often can you repeat what someone is saying to you? How often do you take a keyword in their answer and use that to phrase your next question? Typically, two things are going on in most sales conversations. Bankers or producers are hearing and not listening. Secondly, they are listening to themselves instead of their prospect and are formulating their response.

Salespeople should try this the next time they are in a conversation with a prospect and ask them a question. Really focus on listening and repeat what the prospect just said by repeating it and asking for confirmation. This is a great way to get the prospect to repeat what they said and to ensure the salesperson is not focused on listening to their internal talk. Sometimes, in the repeating, the prospect will provide additional context to the issue.

The Power of Asking the Right Question

Sometimes a salesperson will not ask a certain question because they do not want to disqualify a prospect. Be truthful, hasn’t this happened to you or your salespeople? By mastering the soft skills of asking questions, salespeople become more courageous as they get more comfortable ‘drilling down’ in their conversations. This will help them become better at qualifying their prospects and cleaning non-qualified prospects out of the sales pipeline. And that gives them more time for prospecting, the number one job for all financial services salespeople.

Here are some suggestions on helping salespeople become more skillful with their soft skills in selling:

• Role-play with them and help them to stay in the moment – they should not be thinking about what products they can sell. They need to listen and probe with good, interested questions.

• When they find an area of concern, they should uncover compelling reasons to buy – ask a question like “Why is this home equity loan important to you?” And…

• They must really listen to the answer and ask more questions about that issue so they have more information and understanding.

• This approach will build trust – the client’s needs are front and center, and it is clear the banker or agent wants to help them.

• The salesperson must be able to ask tough questions, and that takes courage. If the end goal is always to help the client, asking a question like “Do you have other deposit accounts elsewhere that we could help you with?” should not be that hard. But it may take practice!

• Good salespeople take nothing for granted – meaning they always seek clarity, and that means getting their client to talk.

• They must have an appropriate amount of patience. Again, if the salesperson’s focus is on their prospect, they should not need to push. It is more important that through their questions and discussion, the client comes to their own decision on their actions.

Soft skills in selling are what turn a routine conversation into a meaningful sales discussion. While product knowledge and technical expertise are important, they are rarely what determine success in the first meeting. The ability to ask thoughtful questions, listen carefully, and truly understand a prospect’s situation builds trust and uncovers the real reasons someone might want to make a change. When salespeople focus on developing these soft skills in selling, they not only improve their conversations but also create stronger relationships and better long-term results.

Register for our upcoming live webinar on Monday to learn why top lenders drive up to 10x more revenue than bottom performers and uncover the four qualities that define diamond-level relationship managers! You’ll gain practical insights on developing stronger producers and access a free tool to benchmark your team’s relationship-building skills. Free registration, recording provided.

Ready to develop stronger relationship-building skills across your sales team? Download our free eBook The Relationship Selling Guide for proven strategies and frameworks, or contact Anthony Cole Training Group to learn how our assessments and coaching can transform your team's ability to build rapport and close more business.

Start with the Right Mindset

A recommended first step is to read Go-Givers Sell More by Bob Burg and John Mann. They offer powerful insights on redefining the sales process as an opportunity to give and help, rather than simply to take and close.

At Anthony Cole Training Group, we use the #1 sales assessment in the industry by Objective Management Group, which defines the 21 Core Sales Competencies needed for sales mastery. Among these, the competencies for the Relationship Builder are critical to success. See below.

The Seven-Second Window

Here's an important reality: seven seconds is the average length of time a person has to make a first impression.

If that first impression falls flat, a salesperson is unlikely to get another chance with that potential client. But when they nail it, the client takes them seriously from the start. Trust begins to form immediately.

And trust is everything. Without it, prospects won't share their real issues or discuss money. They won't consider making a change, and they certainly won't commit to a next step.

Whether the initial meeting is face-to-face, over the phone, or via video, salespeople don't have time to waste. Understanding how people form first judgments (and what they can control) makes all the difference.

What Really Influences First Impressions

When meeting face-to-face, a majority of how a salesperson is judged comes from non-verbal data: appearance and body language. Less than 10% is influenced by the words that they speak. People do, in fact, judge a book by its cover. When the initial encounter is over the phone, 70% of how a salesperson is perceived is based on their tone of voice and 30% on their words. Clearly, it's not what a salesperson says - it's the way they say it.

Building Credibility Fast

Another excellent resource on this topic is The Speed of Trust by Stephen M. R. Covey. According to Covey, "The good news is that we can increase our credibility and we can increase it fast, particularly if we understand the four 'cores' that are fundamental":

1. Integrity - Do you walk your talk?
2. Intent - Are you genuinely seeking mutual benefit?
3. Capabilities - Can you actually deliver what you promise?
4. Results - Do you have a track record of success?

A Proven Opening Approach

With the need for strong first impressions in mind, here's a suggested approach to open a first meeting that accelerates rapport building:

Understanding the Prospect's Mindset

Of course, prospects bring their own barriers to building rapport. They're busy and distracted. They've done their homework and know more than salespeople often assume. And they've had experiences (good and bad) with other salespeople that shape how they view this interaction.

Here's a valuable exercise for every salesperson:

Think about a recent encounter where you were the buyer and a salesperson really "got" you. Maybe it was at a store, a service provider, or even a B2B situation.

• What was that experience like? What made it stand out?
• What specific things did that salesperson do or say that made you feel understood?
• How did their approach make you more willing to open up or move forward?
• What can you replicate from that experience in your own sales conversations?

This reflection can reveal powerful insights about building rapport that textbooks can't teach.

Going Deeper Than Surface-Level Questions

In early conversations with prospects, a salesperson's goal isn't just to qualify or pitch. It's to uncover the prospect's real pain. What problems are they actually facing? What have they already tried to solve them? How is their current provider performing, and where are the gaps?

These conversations aren't just about gathering surface-level information. They're about building genuine insight so the salesperson can determine whether a true, mutually beneficial relationship can form. Because at the end of the day, the best sales relationships are built on a foundation of understanding, trust, and the sincere desire to help.

Ready to develop stronger relationship-building skills across your sales team? Download our free eBook The Relationship Selling Guide for proven strategies and frameworks, or contact Anthony Cole Training Group to learn how our assessments and coaching can transform your team's ability to build rapport and close more business.

Banks and insurance firms also now realize that they need to know this same information about their current sales team. It is sometimes difficult to understand what makes the top producers so successful and how to find, attract and develop more of those types of financial salespeople. There is a science to the soft skills world of selling, and sales performance data helps make those skills measurable. We utilize the #1 sales evaluation by Objective Management Group, Inc. (OMG), and here are a few examples of why this sales performance data is so important if you are leading a sales team and must grow the company. If you are a salesperson, understanding this sales performance data is critical to honing your skills and moving up the leader board.

Understanding Sales DNA and Sales Performance Data

Take a look at the chart below. There are 21 core sales competencies listed here and measured by OMG. We are going to focus on the middle group called Sales DNA. Sales DNA can be coached, and it never makes sense to invest in sales training and techniques until your financial firm and salespeople understand the dynamics of Sale DNA and how it affects them and their skills.

Case Study: How Beliefs Impact Sales Behavior and Results

Case study example – It is your goal to train your team on a sales approach that they have not used before with a questioning technique that they do not understand or “believe” in, for example, asking for introductions from their current advocating clients. Some bankers feel uncomfortable or “pushy” doing this, an example of non-supportive beliefs. If we don’t train them first on the impact of their own supportive or non-supportive beliefs, many will not even try the new sales approach, and they will push back and never utilize it. Beliefs drive behavior, and behavior drives outcomes and results. If no change is made, then sales training budgets are wasted on this approach.

Case Study: Staying Present in Consultative Financial Sales

Another case study example – If your salesperson is unable to “stay in the moment,” they are likely to miss critical cues from the prospect because your agent or banker are already thinking of their next question or how to answer the prospect. Many salespeople struggle with this particular Sales DNA factor because they are good at presenting and telling. They are not as skilled at asking more questions, like “Why is that?” or “When did that problem begin?” or “What has your current bank done to address that issue for you?” This more consultative approach is what elite salespeople have mastered. They can listen very closely to the prospect, follow their lead and ask the right questions to help the prospect self-discover why the problem must be fixed. They stay in the moment and are not distracted by previous conclusions they might have had.

Case Study: Discussing Money Confidently in Sales Conversations

One last case study – Your salesperson might have great relationship-building skills, be strong at qualifying, and ask all the best questions of the prospect, but what if they are uncomfortable discussing money? They will often not ask about budget or fees and proceed to the proposal stage without a clear understanding of what the prospect will pay to solve their problem. This is very common with salespeople because, from a young age, they are taught that talking about money is inappropriate and can be uncomfortable. If a salesperson recognizes that they feel that way, then they can practice and become more skilled at asking the money questions.

The reason sales performance data is so important is this: You cannot change what you cannot see. If you need to improve your sales team’s performance and are considering sales training, make certain that your sales training provider utilizes a sales-specific evaluation. It is critical that you understand the data beneath the behavior and can address the root of the sales problem to achieve long-term, meaningful change and results.